Fie for Thought
Ethelgran
O Ethelgran, with thy hair golden blonde,
How fair thou art in my eyes scorned.
Thine skin a soft white, of which I was fond.
Pity be to he who was forlorn.
In every man she held in them her heart,
Trusting at least one with their love,
And hoping, above all, that they would not part.
O Ethelgran, whose heart was like a dove.
But, I suppose, to those who loved you truly,
Though many they were in number,
Among thy friends I was largely unruly.
O Ethelgran, who invades me when I slumber.
Though her love was not bound,
She grew fond of both sides of a race.
With a heart heavy, this I found.
And while she spoke, her words stung like mace.
For years I had yearned to be her,
So that I may tell her secrets of my soul.
But she was never to be seen, that hurt like burs!
And from mine chest my spirit was nay whole.
So now I lay in my bed, alone and cold,
Dreaming of where I went wrong.
Was I in my crusade to bold?
O Ethelgran, with thy torment lasting long.
For all the gold and riches in the world
I could not figure answer to this riddle.
Not a single thought broke past my hair curled.
How the muses will inspire the one in the middle!
Lo, I see thee walking down the street,
Hand in hand with a shared fond,
I fear the moment when our eyes meet.
O Ethelgran, with thy hair golden blonde.
Light in the Skies
Be my angel
Be my everything
Be my angel
Be mine
A Friday night,
The moon so high,
So full of light.
Thirteen candles lay,
Lit in your name,
Around the pyre,
It lights the night.
Autumn in her flaming dress
Of orange, brown, gold fallen leaves
My mistress of the frigid night
A boom from the sky,
Draws me upward,
A beauty I do see,
I worship, pray to on my knees,
Winter's breath of filthy snow,
Frosted paths to the unknown.
Black lipstick, those lips so smooth,
Yeah I can feel what you're saying, praying,
It's no secret we're close,
Like sweaty Velcro.
I beg to serve, your wish is my law,
Now close those eyes and let me love you to death,
Shall I prove I mean what I'm saying, begging.
An uncrowded couple; are we three,
Hey we don't care what people say,
When walking hand in hand down King's Highway.
A dreamer of pictures I run in the night,
You see us together, chase the moonlight,
Don't spill a drop dear,
Let me kiss the curse away,
Yourself in my mouth,
Will you leave me with your taste?
I will do anything to be with you.
Hey am I good enough for you?
Hey am I good enough for you?
Am I?
Am I?
Am I good enough…
For you?
Kiss Me One Last Time (Memorial)
Light the candle, start the fire.
Snuggle down for the end of the world.
Watch the sun reach its zenith, one more time.
Kiss me, again, one last time.
Forget your cares, forget your needs, this is all we get.
Be at peace, be at ease, I am here for you.
Watching the sun set, listening to it coming,
I realize how lucky I was, how beuatiful you are.
Death is at the door, I can here it knocking, but it will wait,
Yes, it will wait for a little more, one more time...
Kiss me, one last time.
Masochism
Lost within the pleasure of pain
Pins, razors and the glowing flame
My pain disolves when flesh does bleed
This dark love I do need
The ecstasy when nerves are split
Just the same as if I were bit
My body always beaten and abused
And I find that you're all amused
The line of flames slides up my arm
Trying in my brain to sound the alarm
Another cut I do make
My friends heads just shake
They all think this is just wrong
To me it is a sweet black song
I'm not sure if I am sane
It jusrt seems all the same
All my life is a blur to me
But the pleasure of pain clears it so I can see
I Can Cry
Can you not see me?
My eyes are filled with tears
Can you not hear me?
Iv been crying all these years
I guess I've hidden it inside
Pushed it as deep as it can go
I guess I'm a pretty good actress
And never let it show
I'm afraid they see me weak
For just a single moment of the day
I'm afraid they see the little girl
Not the bitch that's tough in every single way
Only a select few have ever seen at my worst
Very few people have ever seen me cry
I apologize to those
They are not your problems, but mine
But as strong as I look
I have so many fears
And as tough as I seem
I've shed too many tears.
Ode to My Love
where do the angels come from ?
they come from within your eyes
soft cotton dreams-- kisses-
blowing sweetly through
the breeze
you lie upon my heart
where daisys dance
in soft slumber.
what do they dream ?
of sunbrowned skin
wraped around the world forever.
where do they go ?
up to heaven-
to whisper tales of your beauty
to the gods
As butterflies and sunbeams,
you float throughout the air
seeds of love grow from within.
who was the one that planted there ?
was it you, my flower
you who brings me joy ?
my partner, friend-
"forever" ?
a secret- hidden,
away at birth
for you're an angel
brought down to earth
on this eve.
I await the sun,
for upon that day
we become as one.
one heart,
one soul,
forever....
my love,
Tonight I pray
for smooth dreams
upon the sea of your mind
push way the darkening shadows
for tomorrow you will be mine
everyday of my life
I will love you
with my soul I will always be there
let the sun cast her kisses upon us
throw rays, like the strands of her hair
For CT, frenz always! =D
Friendship Lullaby...
When tears are falling like crystals of pain,
white as snow, that fears the rain
Think of the angels who brought you here,
they will gently whisper in your ear
Listen to them now while you cry,
they will gently sing you... a lullaby
When your trembling like a withered leaf,
without trust, without belief
Think of the gulls flying over the bay,
look at them, they are not far away
Looking at you as they fly,
crying for you... their lullaby
When sunshine gently comes to show
after the pooring rain, you'll know
Think of the rainbow where the end becomes the start,
it's there to bless your broken heart
Its colors and magic in the sky,
is there to bring you... it's lullaby
When life seems to hard to understand
just call on me, reach my hand.
Think of me and I'll be there,
to let you know how much I care
I'll come and never say goodbye,
to always sing you... my lullaby
Winds of Sorrow
Winds of sorrow
gust up over the hillside,
covered with the barren trees
and littered
with the crackling of dead leaves.
Though spring now,
winter's ghost is howling
outside the window,
making day seem dark
with momentary night.
Flee the cavalcade of lamenting noise,
which rides the currents of the air.
Flee traveler,
for there is tragedy in it,
dying perhaps, running from the already dead.
The shaking of the once steady trees
brings a certain fear
to his unready heart.
Shadow, dragged from mountain depths
gives rise to unbearable exhaustion.
Temptress,
the sleep of ages sings,
drawing the traveler off his well made path.
Walk now on the dark road,
some unheard voice does chant.
Find the ways of darkness,
and the groping blindness of the grave.
Formless the air now billows up
and shifts the branches from their pose.
The traveler is lost among the trees.
Vampire
Lights flash before my eyes
Like visions from
An acid-induced daydream
The raging inferno of music
Lights my ears on fire
Others walk by or through me
Without the realization I exist
A dark angel stands beside me
She smiles when I look upon her
How beautiful she is
With smooth pale skin
By what magic she wields
To draw me closer to her
Is utterly godlike
My mind goes numb
As she closes her eyes
And my will dissolves like a
Handful of sugar in an ocean of blood
As she takes my life from within my lips
With one kiss
And then time stands still
A millenium later
I can move again
Everything is dark
And deep within
I feel that
I am black as a dead man's vision
She still stands before me
I still feel
Her sweet soft lips touching mine
And lipstick still stains my lips
As well as my soul
So much pleasure
And so much pain
I am more like her now
Than I ever was before
And it feels almost like
I have wings like those of a raven
I am a pure mix
Of darkness and insanity
I'm taking lives
With the false pleasure of a kiss
To make them like me
And I know
How painful it is
To be like me
By the dark waters
Should he do it, he wondered then,
Gazing at the melting shapes
That whisper with vicious intent
From the blindness of the cold water,
The depths of which,
Subvert his inner desire,
Shattering dark bent
Distortions,
Whispering, ever so softly,
Kissing his will away
Should he do it, the seduction of eternity,
Ripping his promises into shreds of
Burnt paper
Twisting his truths into
Nests of poisoned lies,
That dig roots inside of him,
And he wondered if he should do it,
Swirls of sound echo in the water,
Half remembered faces plastered against the vibrant surface,
Half forgotten demons scrap sharp claws on the circling madness inside his mind,
And half felt pain, as he wonders
Should he do it, distant dreams stay at bay,
Distant from his mind,
As he washes his soul deep into the core of doubt,
The question filling his wounds,
Making him void,
Inscriptions in a pattern of a time that fades in the distance,
His past is kept at bay well,
And the distance stretches ever on,
Makes him oblivious of recollection,
The liquid shadows are his only vague memories
Each one a confusing riddle that whispers so softly,
Conscience as light as shadows
The turmoil of questions that burn and lick the waters,
The flames seek peace in the darkness
Should he do it, the waters open silent whispering mouths,
Ever so softly,
He wonders if he should do it.
Murky dusty phantoms that crawl the levels of darkness
Spirals of liquid erase themselves as they descend,
Rings of wavy water
Encircle their blind invitation,
Exposing sweet oblivion,
And bareness of ideals,
His smooth hands cover his eyes,
Making the waters real in the absolute darkness of him
Constantly taming his desire to live
Eager to know, filling his deserted need for something,
Trying to protect his lack of reality,
He wonders if he should do it,
And the waters slide,
Hidden whispering voices secure in the darkness,
Cutting the cord,
The rotting cord that links him to whatever image he had,
Whatever voices sing in his ears, safely kept by the unstable liquid,
Providing shelter, with the subtle net of soft trembling whispers.
In this unholy privacy, where his secrets chant from the depths, he wondered,
And declared peace to his question,
Letting the strings of sound dance all over the waters,
Spilling all over his body,
Enhanced by the rhythmic absence of light,
Shifting, shifting ever on,
He decided not to do it,
And the dark waters kept his spirit sure,
And as he slept,
The waters provided no dreams,
His sleep was only filled with the fluid dark currents
That touched him with soft hands,
And whatever mysteries he poured unto the waters,
Where lost for us, in the realm of the dark waters.
Kiss Me (One Last Time)
Light the candle, start the fire.
Snuggle down for the end of the world.
Watch the sun reach its zenith, one more time.
Kiss me, again, one last time.
Forget your cares, forget your needs, this is all we get.
Be at peace, be at ease, I am here for you.
Watching the sun set, listening to it coming,
I realize how lucky I was, how beuatiful you are.
Death is at the door, I can here it knocking, but it will wait,
Yes, it will wait for a little more, one more time...
Kiss me, one last time.
Evermore
The wind whispers of the wounded, words weighted with woe,
As those that are melting in this sweet crimson flow.
Screams stinging the ears of their silent shadows
As the stain of their spring does slow.
Simple thoughts do spawn of you; their simple god,
Handing their fate, looking back, knowing 'twas too late.
All that now remains are those burning crystals in the sun.
That run, with the flow, To a shore;
The shores of infinity; evermore.
Litter upon us we let them lay beneath us,
As though it were better that way.
That we tread upon them in death as we did in life.
Remember thus;
One day you too shall fall to the earth
As you have shunned thy kin.
And so you will rue the day that life did you in.
You are next, to be lost in that sea of evermore.
That sea of their fears, a sea of their tears,
The tears of the nevermore.
Life
This was my life,
This was a flower,
It wilts,
This life I built,
A dozen red roses wilt up and die,
I curl my body into a ball,
A lifeless form,
Torn between Heaven and Hell,
I'm higher than a mountian,
My petals stretched out,
My arms fall off,
My life trimmed short,
The red taken from me,
I wilt up and die,
Once a healthy grown seed,
I'm returned to the earth,
I curl my body into a ball,
Dead and Buried,
I'm torn betweeb Heaven and Hell.
That will never be...
I sit inside the darkness,
scared of what I'll see.
I want to jump and live my life
beneath the raging sea.
I reach for some companion,
some lover in the night
but only bring back sadness
and memories of the fright.
In this life I'm useless,
no one cares for me.
I search and search for happiness,
but there is none to set me free.
I wrap my arms around myself
finding that's not what I need
and pray for some glimpse of spring
so I can plant a seed.
I sit inside the darkness,
no one to call my name.
I light a little candle
but there's only a feeble flame.
I try to spark a fire,
some resemblance of my past,
but the wind just blows it out
and the fire never lasts.
I wait here in the darkness,
wanting you to be
here within my solitude
to pull me from the sea.
I once sat in the darkness,
surrounded by the sea,
waiting, wanting love again...
but that will never be.
Amelioration
In my mind, in my soul
Parts of me falling short of whole
As I stray oh so weary
My mind aimlessly ponders
True love theories
Thus, my heart doth
Not pay a toll
For a love so cherish'd
With a narrow shadow of foul
Thus, my heart lusts
Not succumbing loll
Over love, for it would perish
With a piercing squeal and howl
So I love for only you
And I wait and quench my sin
For my love is always true
Abiding the no-mind-ness of great origin.
Beneath a Stone
Subtly sensual blacks and grays swirl
serpent-like behind my eyelids where
I hide hours beneath a stone-
mysteries of darkness.
When the sun sets my eyes snap open;
these moments I live
inside you. Images of energy
surround you, where my flesh walks
I curl around the tangled folds
of indistinctly drifting thoughts,
caught in the merciless currents of
incessantly surging obsession with passion.
I long to run down
the curve that arches heart to thighs
and catch in the hollow below
echoes of my blood
pounding for you as
words blow through me, inspire
your hands.
I must explore
your luminous landscape
flooded in tremors of stormy fire
our celestial efforts make;
and when the last restraints snap,
we reap pleasure's dance,
convulsively grasp lucid ecstasy
I'm compelled to keep us there,
accumulated effulgence filling us-
And when we soar for hours
I'll hide mysteries of darkness
beneath a stone.
Save Me
When buzzing silence is the only sort
of music my care-weary ear can stand,
and I become a hairy, pus-filled wart
that shames the muse's lovely powdered hand-
When walls remove me from the pressing crowd,
suppress me with their invisible load,
my hands become too big, my voice too loud,
I sit lost on dusty foreign roads
friendless, devoid of meaning, all drawn in
from contact needed from those I repell
because I feel boorish, painfully thin,
and on my magnified faults I must dwell-
These times I yearn for you to save me, you
can soothe this pain, and help me make it through.
A Time Not Forgotten
All has past, we only came through strong.
What has been done can never be unchange.
For all your deeds are not forgotten.
And for what you had made me now.
Never had a chance to give you a good bye hug.
But to had see you one last time,
Was the most painful thing I had to do.
I remembered.
Everyday, since we were together.
I remembered it, so clearly.
As it happened yesterday.
When I 1st saw you,
You were in at your most beautiful.
How I wish I could stop time.
To paint that moment.
A moment, where I meet the person.
Who showed me out of the darkness.
Which have entrapped me for so long.
Its been short, too short.
For us to part, but faith has been decide.
We are not meant to be together.
Though our hearts did not tie to each other.
There is something which was pulled away from me,
When we go our seperate ways.
I lost a piece of my heart.
Which was still tied to yours.
The pain is unimaginable.
To loose again what I love so much.
To never be able to feel the warmth.
To never be able to feel your touch.
Is like torture at its most brutal mentally.
A tear I shed for the love i lost;
The only sign for the pain I'm keeping inside of me.
May this sacrifies bring you more happiness i pray,
With more love and care by another soul.
Whom your heart will be tied to.
How I wish I'm that soul,
but I know that wish will never come true.
So well I say, let our seperation be some meaning.
Some lesson to be learnt.
Some arrow to guide the heart.
I wish you a bright and welcoming future.
And may faith brings you to the missing end.
Of the knot which will be tied among to hearts.
Farewell and Goodbye, my love.
Black
black is my favorite color
would you like to know why
you see it seems, as i have been told
black is the last thing you see when you die
the brain cells get adjusted then and even if you were good
you dont see white or purple or red
like you thought you should
i think i want to be dead
you maybe see red when you slit your wrists
or purple when you fall on your head
but all those dont matter because you see black when your dead.
Innocence hidden
Bleeding by the back,
Stab through the spine.
My soul screaming for aid,
Unheard by all.
Suffered under the cold blade,
Scarred my soul,
Bleeding out the life,
The care,
The emotions,
The love,
The sanity.
Lifeless, souless, scarred and ignored,
Extermination of innocence.
Forever blinded.
Forever unknown.
Death with hate
Living through the world,
Of sufferings and chaos.
Torn apart by evil,
Engulf by the flames of hell.
Heaven may fall,
Hell Shall rise.
The world of blood and flesh,
The world of excrutiating pain.
A world fill of sorrows.
May there be mercy upon innocent souls,
For there will be non to be spared.
Harsh reallity grips the heart of the weak,
Fueling the hate of those who seek,
Revenge, evil, lust, unloved.
How I die with hate in my soul,
Shall it wrap me whole,
Shall it conquer my soul.
Starting Anew
Entering world in truth of the dark lord,
Never forsaken what lies above.
In past the servants of the darkness,
In present the bond of darkness,
In future, darkness itself.
Behold the fear that has been unleashed.
Upon the earth of heaven in where souls,
Are incarnated.
