I don't deny that I was never interested in the guitar, and I have to admit sometimes I do force myself to jam but that was sometime back. When I said it was temporary for me to continue playing, I was looking at the current state that I was. Being all emo. Its bad for the band to be going on with a guitarist who doesn't give 100%. Honestly, what I'm doing was what I thought was best for the band, which obviously isn't the best. If I don't give a damn about TEG, I might as well just tell you guys to find a new guitarist and leave.
I wanna be the guitarist that TEG should have. Someone who's totally into and dedicated to the band. The damn problem about TEG now is that the damn malay guitarist just can't fucking pull himself together and actually tell you guys what's on his mind. Seriously, I don't want me to affect you guys but it did. Its fucked up because I'm fucked up. The fun we had together making music was true, no lie about that, but I just don't know why I don't enjoy jamming as much. I can't place the reason. Taking a break doesn't make me happy at all, it brings me down whenever I think of the situation I'm in right now. So why I took a break? Just to be alone. If that's selfish then I don't know what else to do. I have no intention of upsetting all of you. I should have told you guys why I needed a break and my so called thoughts. When we go 'jalan raya' or when we meet up again, I'll talk to you guys heart to heart.
And I wish for us all to be happy again. No negative feelings. I hate being down most of the time and faking smiles. I'm
NOT gonna fuck up the band, at all. I won't put in effort if I don't care about the thing I'm doing. Yk of all people should know this. I do care about the band. The only fucked up thing is me and I'm sorry to be such a fucked up person who can't pull himself together. I'm not giving up on The Eisen Guards.
PS: I'm free on 6,10,14,18 of Nov. Lets meet up on either one of those dates.
