So many things going through in my head last night. About my future, about my family, about friends. I've been daydreaming a lot about all these stuffs. I'm so caught up with stuffs I do to keep myself busy that I'm beginning to neglect things around me.
I can't wait to start work. To experience working life and doing the thing that I've always wished to do; to be a professional soundman. Its a passion, but I worry about the pay. Not for myself. I want to help out with my family. Being eldest, I've just gotta bear the responsibility. Skipped university or going overseas studies. To be able to give my siblings pocket money, lightened the burden from my dad. Bring my mum go shopping, which have been my 'wants' since secondary school. I just hope I'd work hard enough.
I don't know what's going on with my siblings' life. I just hope that they won't go astray and disappoint my mum. Some things I can cover and keep to myself. Its their life. They'll learn to live on their own. But some things I just can't close my eyes and pretend I never see anything. Sigh. Wished I've been a better brother.
Friends... Its different nowadays. Everyone's changing. A few changed to someone they once told me they didn't want to be. A few changed to a new leaf. And some changed to suite their busy work life. So much changes, in a short time. In a selfish way, I ignore the changes and carry on with whatever I'm comfortable with. Honestly, I can't really ignore anything, good or bad, kind or mean, so I tend to look back and then force myself to turn back in front whenever I do. Everybody's changing. Me too.
Lastly, to my bro YK. Stop smoking lah. You said you'll quit once I quit, then you still continue. You said to me you're being influence by the people around you now. Yes, you do. I'm not gonna say I'm stopping you from being influenced. I'm just worried. Nowadays, you're clubbing, smoking, and trying to hit on girls. Its a totally different YK. But, like I said, I'm not stopping you from doing the things that you're doing.
Its been a long time since we spend time like the old days and just have fun or just relax. Remember the times we spent playing D&D after school at that xbox shop? And the times we jammed together when we're both drummers. A couple of nerds eh? Who cares? Its fun. Now, we're busy with NS and jamming. Soon you'll be busy with studies and I'll be busy with work. I wished we're back like we were back then, though its impossible, just a day or 2 of that feeling now would be enough. Notice, I haven't been talking to you that much.
We're like real brothers, so if you guys think it sounded gay then that's your thoughts. Brothers look out for one another. I blogged this down just because I'm worried, though I don't show it. You know me, I don't express my feelings when I'm outside. Now I am, and I'm worried. Its wrong to say it but since you already say it to me at KAP Mac, so I'll say it here. I missed you, bro.
