Here I am lying on my bed blogging on my iPhone despite the fact that
my 1st day of work is tomorrow. Still wide awake. Thinking, thinking
of this feeling that i've been having for quite sometime. This unknown
feeling.

This feeling which I can roughly explain as confusion with a touch of
numbness. Sue might be right. I'm looking for love but it can't be
found. Neither am I rushing for it nor desperately in need of it. It's
more of a "want". Of course everyone wants to find their respective
love. The want to be loved and to love. I've seen it in couple's eyes.
And from the way they look, talk, feel, listen, etc. towards each
other, I can tell if it's love or infatuation. One who've tasted love,
would know what I mean.

So back to my feeling. In the past, I've learnt to differentiate love
and infatuation. Differentiate friendship love, family love, material
love, animal love. And of course, the love between Adam and Eve. Many,
many infatuation occured in the past. I'm extremely lucky to be loved
once and to love another twice. Imagine you trying this delicious meal
1st time in your life, the most delicious. Others were nice. Then, the
store you ate that delicious meal closed down. Don't you wanna find
another store that has the most delicious meal, like the one you've
tasted? It might be a different meal but it's still much more
delicious than the rest.

Well, I've looked high and low but I still couldn't find that dish.
For some reason unknown, after a long time, 2 years to be exact, I
still yearn for that dish. So the feeling that I'm having right now,
is confusion.

The only person that I felt most comfortable talking to, opening up
to, to joke with, to share thoughts, to create music, to be with, is
still her. 2 years no contact, no visual, and yet she's the only
person I've known that I felt most comfortable with. I've known many
people, met many faces. Nope, that feeling didn't resurface at all.
Just infatuations, strong friendship love or lust.

I still love Fizah, but it has evolved into a totally different kind
of love. One which I could not explain. And I still love you, one that
caused the most pain. Why? Aren't we humans suppose to have the
instinct to avoid, hate, fear the cause of the pain? Or make it go
away, get numbed by it? Isn't that logically the correct thing to do?
I'm confused.

Why is it that I subconsciously think of her everyday? Is there
something that remind me of her? No, I've gotten rid of everything.
How do we erase memories? My mind has a life on it's own. I'm not sad
or depressed by these thoughts. Nor am I hoping for anything. Or am I
sub-consciously wanting things to happen? What is it that my sub-
conscious mind up to?

With so many questions unanswered, that can only mean I am confused.
Unable to understand the cause, the logic, the feeling behind this
thoughts. 2 years has passed, the pain, sorrows, regrets have gone
away. But not the care, the love.

I just want to know...why......?

  ¶ 5:01 AM

  Hoho. All geared up for the acoustic meeting next month. Been singing everyday and playing guitar. Just hope the rest are as hyped as I am, which I don't think so.



Parents quarreling can be very childish. Very, very childish. What the heck.  ¶ 5:46 PM

  Hoho. The love had spread! Wan and Gf is loving the song "Lucky" by Jason Mraz. Its gonna be on the song list for the acoustic meeting.

Well, that said, I'm organising this acoustic meet up next month. Place will hopefully, weather permit, at the Padang. Hopefully my wrist would heal in time for me to organise it on the 1st of Nov, Saturday. So the plan will be something like this. Everyone who will be coming down will prepare a song list and give to me a week in advance. This is so that I could gather the lyrics and chords. Plus the song too for us to get used to the song before start playing. On the day itself, everyone will sing and play every song together. The guitarist will be anyone. It is encouraged to bring everyone's acoustics less those who can't play. But hey, that's not a reason for you not to sing. =)

Since there'll be couples, I'll be arranging something like a mini performance for all the couples attending. ;)

Its gonna be spreading the love in this meeting. I've got a side plan if everyone agrees to it. An acoustic meeting + bbq by the beach? Sounds great but will need everyone's confirmation early.

Please please please please..... gimme my left hand back!

___________________________________________________________________

On a side note, I organised this meeting is because I've got nothing to do and I'll die not doing anything. Its also to meet up with the peeps together. Its been some time since we all gather together. Actually, we've never really meet up all together before. I'm really hoping this will work out. COME ON! DON'T BE ANTI SOCIAL!  ¶ 11:35 PM

  Here's a song by Jason Mraz. Its called "Love for a Child". This is the type of songs that I'd love to compose. Lyrics, available. Music, no idea. I need help on these kinda stuffs and that's where the acoustic guitar and singing meeting I'm arranging will hopefully help.


There's a picture on my kitchen wall
Looks like Jesus and his friends involved
There's a party getting started in the yard
There's a couple getting steamy in the car parked in the drive
Was I too young to see this with my eyes?

By the pool last night, apparently
The chemicals weren't mixed properly
You hit your head and then forgot your name
And then you woke up at the bottom by the drain
And now your altitude and memory's a shame

What about taking this empty cup and filling it up
With a little bit more of innocence
I haven't had enough, it's probably because when you're young
It's okay to be easily ignored
I like to believe it was all about love for a child

And when the house was left in shambles
Who was there to handle all the broken bits of glass
Was it mom who put my dad out on his ass or the other way around
Well I'm far too old to care about that now

What about taking this empty cup and filling it up
With a little bit more of innocence
I haven't had enough, it's probably because when you're young
It's okay to be easily ignored
I'd like to believe it was all about love for a child

It's kinda nice to work the floor since the divorce
I've been enjoying both my Christmases and my birthday cakes
And taking drugs and making love at far too young an age
And they never check to see my grades
What a fool I'd be to start complaining now

What about taking this empty cup and filling it up
With a little bit more of innocence
I haven't had enough, it's probably because when you're young
It's okay to be easily ignored
I'd love to believe it's all about love for a child

It was all about love...  ¶ 12:58 AM