Heeee. Have you ever got that cheeky feeling that you just wanna grin all day and make people smile? Its so good to feel so cheery again. Laughter is the best medicine after all. =)

I tried running the marathon runner's training route near my house. Argh! I had enough after 10km. The route went up and down hill for 812738456 times! Tired like hell. But it is called a training route for something eh? Aching body!

I've recorded my 1st ever 'karaoke' of myself singing! And was stunned that I was actually in tune! Wakaka! I need a coach. Eh Master, you also go learn singing. Need the both of us to sing. =p
Argh. Need to get over my shyness to practice!

Back to camp I go. Hopefully, Heather won't be that busy. Can have a chit-chat. Heh.

I'm sorry. There's no going back for me now. You can befriends the rest of the guys. =)
I'm sure they still talk to you. Enjoy your holidays. Take care.  ¶ 11:07 AM

  I reached home, I grabbed her. Went onto my bed, touching her top to bottom. I ran my fingers down her smooth body, holding her close to me. I turned her around, continued to caress her. Her body is perfect, every curve. She starts to sing. Her voice, like the choirs of the hanging gardens of Babylon, sooth my soul.

As I start caress her aggressively, her screams of pleasure ring out across the room as my fingers ran around her neck. Till that one final climax, then all of a sudden, all is quiet, her voice disappeared into silence. I opened my eyes, looked up at the ceiling.

My pick fell, onto my knees I dropped. My God, I missed her touch, her voice.

What more could I asked for to fulfill my desires than playing Iron Maiden's Metal Ballad "Wasting Love" solo on my beloved Dez'ray? Its totally ORGASMIC. ;)

Yes, yes. I'm obsessively, madly, in love with my guitar. Ain't a bad thing, is it?  ¶ 5:10 AM

  At last! I'm home! Phew. 5 days of straight duty ain't funny. Oh well, all for the sake of my Chinese friends so that they can celebrate their New Year. Hope you guys had a great New Year ya!


As I stood there doing duty, I thought of a few things. Some random stuffs that appear in my head. First of all is the band. We've been looking for the right singer for so long and yet we're still here without a front man. Tried to pull Johari in but he just can't commit. Its a real miss because he's the best candidate so far. Then we continue to talk about singing and singers, and guess what, we thought of making a boy band together! Haha! We're gonna try sing Take That songs, maybe some Malay songs too. Damn it, thinking about it makes me laugh! We tried it out at the guard house, sang 'To Be With You'. LOL! It sounded sooooooooo Boyband-ish! Haha. Kinda fun too.


Next, I was thinking about the acoustic piece I'm gonna do with Master HuiMin. Thinking of playing some Bossa Novas and maybe some slow nice sentimental oldies. To play those, we need a singer. Its gonna be either one of us. I'm gonna practice hard to be able at least sing decently. Sheesh. I need a singing coach! Stopped smoking because I wanna sing well! Roar.


Then, I was thinking of my beloved wife, Dez'ray. Damn, I missed her. Never touch her for 1 week and I just don't feel right. Haha. I'm in love with my own guitar. Its kinda weird but its almost the same kinda love you feel for something that's alive. I show it my feelings for it through playing it and its like expressing its feelings by the sound it creates. Lol. Yeah, yeah. I know. "What the hell are you talking about, Fie?". I guess this is the only love I'll settle for a long time.


Lastly, I was thinking of the weather and linking all the probabilities about it going from bad to worse. Humans are the cause of it. Well, most probably. Its human nature. 42 billion US dollars on Iraq war and yet many supported it. 42 billion. You could fund that same amount of money on AIDS/cancer research and get cures to help millions instead of taking lives. Our ignorance just blind us from the fact. Pride prevents us from seeing the fact. Greed detach us from the fact. The fact that we're fucked up. Slowly killing ourselves, leading ourselves to extinction.

Maybe The Earth gave birth to us to get something else. When She gets that something already, it'll just shake us off from its back like a bag of fleas. Many times She healed herself after much torment. She'll most likely heal herself after what we did to her and start off again anew.


Lots of thinking eh? Heh. Anyway, here's some pictures of The Eggheads!!! Its from their gig at HomeClub. The Eggheads rocks!!! You go seoker!







Thanks for the dedication Seok and band! We loved it! Again, you guys rock! =D  ¶ 11:23 PM

  Stole Wan's html code for the media player! Heh! Anyway, thanks Wan!

Here's my favorite recording of all time, The Eisen Guards - Sign Of The Cross!

PS: For full enjoyment, wear earphones! It's on stereo recording! =D  ¶ 1:30 AM

  Ups and downs, we've been through it all.
Together we've pulled out, and here we are still the best of friends.
No less, just more.
Like as if in past lives, we're brothers.



I had a heart to heart talk with my best friend today. Its been awhile since we talked and hang out with each other. Talked about the band, to heart matters, to each other. Everything we went through together, let it be the e-gaming competition at The Atrium, women problems, band problems, family problems, in the end, the best of friends we still are. Never have I hold grudges against anything, neither do you. Its only been like, 3 years since we've known each other? If you believe in fate, then fate has brought us together, all of us.

For years, I prefer to be alone, not wanting to open up myself, not even to my close friends. For 3 years you kept telling me to open up, but at last, I did. I guess I'm the laggy one. There was a time that I almost let go of our friendship and everything else. But I can't. This is something that I've never felt before in my life. Something new. True friendship. For the 1st time in my life, I didn't want to be alone. I want to be with my friends.

Today you, together with my family and the rest of my close friends, are my top priority. Other matters of life are distractions I'll put aside for you guys. I dare say nothing will rip us apart. I can't think of anyway to thank all of you for making my life more meaningful. Words can't describe my thanks to you guys. Thank you very much. Brothers forever. The Eisen Guards, which includes Sebastian.


And Jason, next time just smack me if you think I deserve it. Could use a wake up call at times.  ¶ 5:44 AM

  Went jamming today. Somehow, even after 2 weeks of not jamming, we jammed, recorded, and it sounds tight as if we jammed every other day. We didn't talk to each other for some time, yet without saying a word, we knew what each of us are thinking of doing. Something rarely found in bands.

Recorded for the 1st time, Sign of the Cross and Infinite dreams. Damn it. I wanna gig these 2 songs! Just imagining jumping around the stage makes my adrenaline pump. Still need a singer though, but we'll just have to do with Jason for now. Honestly, he's good enough for us to gig. But without a front man, its hard for people to appreciate. Then again, how often you see a metal drummer sings and play at the same time!? Just amazing.

After that Jason and Yk had to go off for reunion dinner, while me, Sebas and Wan went to town. Bought my 4GB card and we went to eat at Seoul Garden. This the 1st time ever the 3 of us went out together, just the 3 of us. As usual, total nonsense all the way, even while eating. We ate like dog/pig/*****. Then went to Plaza Singapura to get Sebas's ring. Town was packed. Last minute CNY shopping I guess.

I WANT TO GIG! THE EISEN GUARDS NEEDS TO ROCK AGAIN!


Oh, by the way....

Mitch Albom's 'For One More Day' is out. I wanna buy! Anyone wanna share with me? =/ $32 is kinda expensive for a short book. And Master Huimin! You said wanna lend me your '5 people you meet in heaven'. Any recommendations of books like 'Tuesday's with Morrie'? Books that are soothing and calms you down when you read them. =)
  ¶ 1:57 AM

  After 3 long weeks, hundreds of kilometers of running, liters of sweat, I've finally passed that damned SOC with a 9 minute timing! Never ever gonna touch that thing for as long as I live. It even leave a scar on my back. A red line caused by the rifle hitting my back while running.

Nice for memories.

Just realized that I spent at least 4 hours on the guitar daily whenever I'm spending time at home(BUT I STILL SUCK, DAMN IT!). Can't deny it, I loved her. Dez'ray, pronounced as Desiree, seems like a weird name. So let me explain what's the reason behind it ya. =D

I know this girl. Her nick was Dez'ray. I asked her who's that. She said its an actress. So what's so good about this actress that you've taken up her name, fancied it and put it as your nickname. She said that she find the actress so beautiful and desiring, that she just fuels her desires to be with her.

Well, something like that. Can't really recall. So I thought, although my guitar's totally used, vintage and like as if its been sunbathed, its her feel, her sound and, well, just something about her that make me feel I wanna just play or just hold her. Even to sleep. So I thought to myself, why not name her Dez'ray too? Heh. =D

Oh, and O level result takers! All the best! Hope there'll be good news from the few friends out there!



Its not like I don't want to move on. I try to pick myself up, and then I kept falling down again. And its always when I've contact you. When I thought I was walking back as normal, I just fell. Kept trying to remain steady but I just kept falling. Advices came from all sorts of directions. "Forget about her!", "Why not remain friends?", "Go back!", "What are you thinking so much for?". Confused me.

Many times I tried to, and failed, till I just said "Forget it". Since I'm weak and can't stand by myself just talking to you, then I rather not contact you.

As you said true friends stick to each other, no matter what the change. I agree with that. And I'm not a friend worth keeping.

As for now, I wanna put it away. A big part of me is telling me to find a way as I typed this. Maybe in the future our paths may crossed since we're in the same industry and a new friendship will start, if we meet again.  ¶ 2:20 PM

  In many views, it seems that things around you just turn in directions which you're just uncomfortable to follow with, forcing you to maintain your general direction and just go.

Its happening again. Oh, well.

I don't deny your efforts to repair the friendship. I can see that. Out of frustration, I guessed we just part our own ways, for our own sake. I won't bother you with my irritating, fickle-minded self. Putting the past aside is easy when you're feelings already faded. Its easier to just move on and be happy. No emotions distracting you every morning you wake up, every night you went to sleep. No thoughts.

Please, tell me, how do I erase or not think of stuffs that I think in my head? If there is a way, please tell me. I would do anything to get it all off my head. And the more I stayed as friends the more I'll start thinking. Driving me crazy at certain points of time. Active mind? Childish is the right word I guess.

Accepting its impossible between us, I do. I just can't accept the change of person, the friend, that I knew. People change, they do. Friendship between us is impossible. So let us part ways before I come up with some more bullshit. Your apologies are forgiven. I apologize for my childishness and all sorts of headaches I gave you. All the best.  ¶ 11:47 PM

  Used, as a toy.
Played with, treasured.
Loved, adored.

Abandoned.
Bored, jaded.
Seeking new fun, new toy.

Old toy, broken.
Dusted, in the dark.
Forgotten, thrown away.


They say actions speaks louder than words. It seems people tend to deny their actions. Denying with all their stubbornness, their ego, their pride.

So what does that mean? It means that they're lying. Lying for the sake of 'making things better'. Lying for the sake of their own pride. So high they held their noses, that they thought their lies were actually true. What they broke, they kept breaking. What they say want to avoid, they kept doing. Lies.


Enough said. I can't believe you actually said you loved me back then. No really. I can't. And I was stupid enough to believe. Damn. Damn stupid. How could I fall for someone like you? And still am till now? And still I cared for you so much? What the fucking fuck? I've gotta be crazy. And after all that.. I rather not mention here.

I'm just damn disappointed. Who am I to say how to you're suppose to be? Well, I am someone who loves you and care for you more than anything. Isn't that straightforward enough? Why I still care? Why I still get hurt? Of course I do. Won't you care for someone you love? Won't you get hurt seeing someone you love became someone else that you would rather stay away from? Why would you hurt someone you love? Its bullshit.

Why would you care? There isn't any love.
Hurt? Too bad. Not my problem. My life. Your life.
Its fun!


Sigh. Disappointment leads to anger for failing and not accomplishing a want, a need. I don't think you'll read this anyway. Have fun with your life. All the fun you want. Lets just end it. Loosing just 1 friend. Nothing much to you. More out there. We're strangers now. You're just a dream girl that I dreamt of for a good 5 months. Its all a dream. Nothing more.

Good luck with your studies and all the best for your scholarship. Remember your assignments and quiz. Don't smoke too much. I've stopped. You should, you're addicted. Drinking too. You're ugly when you're drunk, you know that?
And do take care of beaver.




.. I still love you.. but its a dream now..  ¶ 1:41 AM