Fie for Thought
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
Hmm. Surprise, surprise. I'm home. Heh. Get my 'nights out' by my OC after some Discovery Center trip (lame eh?). Oh well. Met Lyn at Bukit Panjang Plaza. She looked so messed up. =/ Probs. Haiz. Hope everything goes well ya? And remember to eat!
Went home after that, spent about an hour lying on my room's floor singing hotel california out loud. Suddenly, I felt like recording it and, DAMN! I can actually sing?!?!! Ok not superbly lah, but I actually hit da right notes! Yay! I can sing! Ok shut it up. And I learnt Hotel California's ending solo too. Quite a fruitful 'nights out' don't you think? Heh. Well, time to irritate my little Syakir. Damn I missed him. Ciao.
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Who says you've lost everything?
Went home after that, spent about an hour lying on my room's floor singing hotel california out loud. Suddenly, I felt like recording it and, DAMN! I can actually sing?!?!! Ok not superbly lah, but I actually hit da right notes! Yay! I can sing! Ok shut it up. And I learnt Hotel California's ending solo too. Quite a fruitful 'nights out' don't you think? Heh. Well, time to irritate my little Syakir. Damn I missed him. Ciao.
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Who says you've lost everything?
Sunday, November 26, 2006
Hmm. A few unexpected things happened the last few days.
Booking in, happily walking around with "The Master" Hui Min, for the first time, of all people, but she was fun, from Far East Plaza to Bugis, when I suddenly received an sms from my 2Lt that I had to perform the next day for the company cohesion. Wtf? I don't even know a song to play or sing and remember any acceptable song lyrics. Out of desperation, I called Candice for Hotel California's lyrics. =/ Luckily I was saved when my campmates, Johari, Zai, Fadil and Alif agreed to have a crash-course to learn and play a song in under an hour. I was at the drums, Jo and Zai at the guitars, Alif at the bass and Fadil sang. We played "Wherever you will go" by The Calling. Surprisingly the judges, who were all 2Lt and above, were so impressed at Fadil's singing and my drumming that they wanted us to perform with the Weapon's platoon guys during the ORD dinner. Oh, not to mention we get 2 1/2 days off for the performance. =/
Like what the? Totally unexpected shit from start to finish eh?
Saturday morning. Was totally expecting a long, nice, uninterrupted sleep but noooo.. they had to plan a 2PDF div cohesion at Sentosa. A total waste of time if you asked me. Dragged on till 1pm and we're free to roam at the gigantic Vivocity. Freaking big mall, with a freaking nice view up on the roof or buy the waterside. Well, didn't actually find something nice there though. =/ Went out with my campmates to survey the area. So big that most of us got too tired to actually complete the whole round. Oh, the GAP shop there isn't that interesting though. I suggest going to Pull and Bear rather than there. Sad. The Cheap Monday collections there kinda suck too. Nothing much. =/ Oh well. Time to wait for the next season to come.
___________________________________________________________________
I'm very sorry about the sudden shift of wind.
I hope you at least had some fun.
I did.
I hope it eases your stress abit.
That's all I wanted to do.
And, yeah, you look gorgeous,
I was embarrassed to stand beside you.
Booking in, happily walking around with "The Master" Hui Min, for the first time, of all people, but she was fun, from Far East Plaza to Bugis, when I suddenly received an sms from my 2Lt that I had to perform the next day for the company cohesion. Wtf? I don't even know a song to play or sing and remember any acceptable song lyrics. Out of desperation, I called Candice for Hotel California's lyrics. =/ Luckily I was saved when my campmates, Johari, Zai, Fadil and Alif agreed to have a crash-course to learn and play a song in under an hour. I was at the drums, Jo and Zai at the guitars, Alif at the bass and Fadil sang. We played "Wherever you will go" by The Calling. Surprisingly the judges, who were all 2Lt and above, were so impressed at Fadil's singing and my drumming that they wanted us to perform with the Weapon's platoon guys during the ORD dinner. Oh, not to mention we get 2 1/2 days off for the performance. =/
Like what the? Totally unexpected shit from start to finish eh?
Saturday morning. Was totally expecting a long, nice, uninterrupted sleep but noooo.. they had to plan a 2PDF div cohesion at Sentosa. A total waste of time if you asked me. Dragged on till 1pm and we're free to roam at the gigantic Vivocity. Freaking big mall, with a freaking nice view up on the roof or buy the waterside. Well, didn't actually find something nice there though. =/ Went out with my campmates to survey the area. So big that most of us got too tired to actually complete the whole round. Oh, the GAP shop there isn't that interesting though. I suggest going to Pull and Bear rather than there. Sad. The Cheap Monday collections there kinda suck too. Nothing much. =/ Oh well. Time to wait for the next season to come.
___________________________________________________________________
I'm very sorry about the sudden shift of wind.
I hope you at least had some fun.
I did.
I hope it eases your stress abit.
That's all I wanted to do.
And, yeah, you look gorgeous,
I was embarrassed to stand beside you.
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
I can't understand why some people are just the way they are. They're just totally ignorant, annoying, arrogant, etc.. And we can't do anything about it. Sigh. Patience is virtue. But being patient for the wrong reasons isn't gonna do any good. And so.. FUCK YOU! FUCKING MOTHERFUCKER! ROT IN HELL!
Well, it's no use for me getting angry and all. It doesn't change anything. Anger will just cause more hurt and makes matters worse. It's been so long since I hated someone so much, so deeply and so wholeheartedly. Congratulations for being one of the rare ones. I seriously hope that one day, I'll be standing looking down at your corpse, smiling at you're decomposing body, while your soul's rotting in hell. Have a good time. What goes around, comes around. I'd wish to be there to see when it comes back to hit ya.
Well, it's no use for me getting angry and all. It doesn't change anything. Anger will just cause more hurt and makes matters worse. It's been so long since I hated someone so much, so deeply and so wholeheartedly. Congratulations for being one of the rare ones. I seriously hope that one day, I'll be standing looking down at your corpse, smiling at you're decomposing body, while your soul's rotting in hell. Have a good time. What goes around, comes around. I'd wish to be there to see when it comes back to hit ya.
Sunday, November 19, 2006
Fly me to the moon.
Frank Sinatra
Fly me to the moon,
And let me play amongst the stars.
Let me see how spring is like,
On Jupiter and Mars.
In other words,
Hold my hand.
In other words,
Darling, kiss me.
Fill my heart with song,
And let me sing forever more.
You are all I hope,
To know I worship and adore.
In other words,
Please be true.
In other words,
I love you.
Wish I could sing like Frank Sinatra. Such a happy song.
Frank Sinatra
Fly me to the moon,
And let me play amongst the stars.
Let me see how spring is like,
On Jupiter and Mars.
In other words,
Hold my hand.
In other words,
Darling, kiss me.
Fill my heart with song,
And let me sing forever more.
You are all I hope,
To know I worship and adore.
In other words,
Please be true.
In other words,
I love you.
Wish I could sing like Frank Sinatra. Such a happy song.
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Recently, I've noticed a little change in myself. The usual anti-social, straight-faced Fie isn't always there anymore.
Last time, I don't usually smile to strangers, talked cheerfully to MacDonald's counter person, smile and wave at shopkeepers who say 'Thank you for coming' and smile at the aunty clearing the table for me and saying a bright 'Thank you aunty!' with a grin. Not that its a bad thing. Makes me think why I suddenly became more socialized.
Maybe its because of the place where I do duty. There I would be standing or sitting at the guardhouse for a minimum of 8 hours. Sometimes 12 hours if we're doing 2-men shifts. The people who worked at the place, Sembawang Wharves, are fantastic. Almost everyone greets or gave just a simple smile when they walked past each other. No matter you're Malay, Chinese, English, Bangla.. When I stand there, the cars go by, the drivers would give a simple greeting with a smile, whether its rain or shine, day or night. There is this wonderful old lady, I think she's the coffee lady, who even stops her car just to wish us a good day and take care. How nice.
Its this kind of working environment that keeps everyone feeling happy, no matter how shitty the job is. It does influence me in a way. When I stand there, feeling sleepy and tired, it just took a little effort to smile and wave to the incoming cars. That little effort could brighten up someone else's day, and knowing I did that, it brightens up my day too.
Comparing Sembawang Wharves and the other place where I used to be deployed at, ExxonMobile Refinery, its like working in a different country. At EMR, where mostly are Singaporeans, they won't even take note that you're there. I was standing right beside a staff's car and he completely ignored me, with the grumpy face, and sped off into the refinery after briefly showing the pass to the CISCO police officer. Sometimes I did wave and give a smile at them but all I get back is either an arrogant look or a 'What see see?' stare. =S Especially when its a woman/girl. Come on! I'm just trying to be friendly here.
Talking about being friendly, I think being abit too friendly is a bad thing too eh? =/ I was on the bus just now going back home. A malay couple board the bus and the girl sat beside me while the guy sat infront of her. I was listening to my Ipod and falling asleep. While travelling on the expressway, the girl fell asleep and leaned on my shoulder. I was like, 'err.. should I wake her up?'. The guy was sleeping too infront. So I just let her sleep. When we enter BKE, at the entry bend, she woke up and looked at me with the sleepy eyes. I said, "Nice and comfy? ;)" and she blushed and smiled. I have no idea I sounded like as if I was flirting till I've alighted, and I went like 'Eh shit? I was flirting?' Err. So was that flirting or being friendly? Bastard eh? Behind the guy's back some more, literally! =X
___________________________________________________________________
Smoke, smoke, smoke.
Feel so shiok.
Tarik, tarik, tarik.
Feel so gerek.
Makan, makan, makan.
Kari lebih santan. (Curry more coconut milk)
Telan, telan, telan. (Swallow x3)
Gemuk je badan. (Body become fat)
Last time, I don't usually smile to strangers, talked cheerfully to MacDonald's counter person, smile and wave at shopkeepers who say 'Thank you for coming' and smile at the aunty clearing the table for me and saying a bright 'Thank you aunty!' with a grin. Not that its a bad thing. Makes me think why I suddenly became more socialized.
Maybe its because of the place where I do duty. There I would be standing or sitting at the guardhouse for a minimum of 8 hours. Sometimes 12 hours if we're doing 2-men shifts. The people who worked at the place, Sembawang Wharves, are fantastic. Almost everyone greets or gave just a simple smile when they walked past each other. No matter you're Malay, Chinese, English, Bangla.. When I stand there, the cars go by, the drivers would give a simple greeting with a smile, whether its rain or shine, day or night. There is this wonderful old lady, I think she's the coffee lady, who even stops her car just to wish us a good day and take care. How nice.
Its this kind of working environment that keeps everyone feeling happy, no matter how shitty the job is. It does influence me in a way. When I stand there, feeling sleepy and tired, it just took a little effort to smile and wave to the incoming cars. That little effort could brighten up someone else's day, and knowing I did that, it brightens up my day too.
Comparing Sembawang Wharves and the other place where I used to be deployed at, ExxonMobile Refinery, its like working in a different country. At EMR, where mostly are Singaporeans, they won't even take note that you're there. I was standing right beside a staff's car and he completely ignored me, with the grumpy face, and sped off into the refinery after briefly showing the pass to the CISCO police officer. Sometimes I did wave and give a smile at them but all I get back is either an arrogant look or a 'What see see?' stare. =S Especially when its a woman/girl. Come on! I'm just trying to be friendly here.
Talking about being friendly, I think being abit too friendly is a bad thing too eh? =/ I was on the bus just now going back home. A malay couple board the bus and the girl sat beside me while the guy sat infront of her. I was listening to my Ipod and falling asleep. While travelling on the expressway, the girl fell asleep and leaned on my shoulder. I was like, 'err.. should I wake her up?'. The guy was sleeping too infront. So I just let her sleep. When we enter BKE, at the entry bend, she woke up and looked at me with the sleepy eyes. I said, "Nice and comfy? ;)" and she blushed and smiled. I have no idea I sounded like as if I was flirting till I've alighted, and I went like 'Eh shit? I was flirting?' Err. So was that flirting or being friendly? Bastard eh? Behind the guy's back some more, literally! =X
___________________________________________________________________
Smoke, smoke, smoke.
Feel so shiok.
Tarik, tarik, tarik.
Feel so gerek.
Makan, makan, makan.
Kari lebih santan. (Curry more coconut milk)
Telan, telan, telan. (Swallow x3)
Gemuk je badan. (Body become fat)
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
A friend of mine told me that he would never ever drink again. He said he rather be addicted to cigs than alcohol. That makes me wonder. Many drinkers will tell you that alcohol will bring your trueself, or rather, your darker side out. As a ex-drinker, to me drinking alcohol, in small amounts, is rather fine, but to be addicted to it and get drunk, well, that's another story.
Although smoking is with all its harmful effects and all, it does helps you to clear your mind. Well, for my case its the migraines that I had when I smoke. Although its irritating, it does stops me from thinking and calm myself down, and helps me to keep my mood up. Nothing beats smoking a cig and playing or listening to Iron Maiden. As for drinking, its almost the same. All the harmful effects, it does makes you high and drunk. Smoking won't cause you to loose control of yourself. Drinking does. A drunkard walking around aimlessly, maybe singing or shouting, by the side of the road. A familiar sight eh? The hangover. The vommitting. I'll rather smoke.
You'll die a horrible death with smoking. Cigarette smoking accounts for at least 30% of all cancer deaths. It is a major cause of cancers of the lung, larynx (voice box), oral cavity, pharynx (throat), esophagus, and bladder, and is a contributing cause in the development of cancers of the pancreas, cervix, kidney, stomach, and also some leukemias.
About 87% of lung cancer deaths are caused by smoking. Lung cancer is the leading cause of cancer death among both men and women, and is one of the most difficult cancers to treat. Fancy that.
Well, we die almost similarly through drinking. Alcohol increases the risk of cancers of the mouth, pharynx (throat), larynx (voice box), esophagus, liver, and breast, and probably of the colon and rectum. People who drink alcohol should limit their intake to no more than 2 drinks per day for men and 1 drink per day for women. A drink is defined as 12 ounces of beer, 5 ounces of wine, or 1.5 ounces of 80-proof distilled spirits. The combination of alcohol and tobacco increases the risk of some cancers far more than the effect of either drinking or smoking. Regular consumption of even a few drinks per week is associated with an increased risk of breast cancer in women, especially in women who do not get enough folate. Women at high risk of breast cancer may want to consider not drinking any alcohol. Oh well.
So it ends here. In either way, we are gonna die one way or another. Life's short eh? Lets all smoke and get drunk together, ok, well, maybe just smoke. One's life is up to one's decision to live it. Spoil it or cheerish it, we'll decide what we want to do with it. We may not know we'll live to see tomorrow. Lets wreck havoc and enjoy life's pleasures.
I'd decided to make peace, with the expense of my own peace.
___________________________________________________________________
As the heart heals,
a scar remains.
As the scar forms,
the memory of the pain remains.
As the memory recalls,
the pain returns.
As the pain returned,
tears sluiced.
Although smoking is with all its harmful effects and all, it does helps you to clear your mind. Well, for my case its the migraines that I had when I smoke. Although its irritating, it does stops me from thinking and calm myself down, and helps me to keep my mood up. Nothing beats smoking a cig and playing or listening to Iron Maiden. As for drinking, its almost the same. All the harmful effects, it does makes you high and drunk. Smoking won't cause you to loose control of yourself. Drinking does. A drunkard walking around aimlessly, maybe singing or shouting, by the side of the road. A familiar sight eh? The hangover. The vommitting. I'll rather smoke.
You'll die a horrible death with smoking. Cigarette smoking accounts for at least 30% of all cancer deaths. It is a major cause of cancers of the lung, larynx (voice box), oral cavity, pharynx (throat), esophagus, and bladder, and is a contributing cause in the development of cancers of the pancreas, cervix, kidney, stomach, and also some leukemias.
About 87% of lung cancer deaths are caused by smoking. Lung cancer is the leading cause of cancer death among both men and women, and is one of the most difficult cancers to treat. Fancy that.
Well, we die almost similarly through drinking. Alcohol increases the risk of cancers of the mouth, pharynx (throat), larynx (voice box), esophagus, liver, and breast, and probably of the colon and rectum. People who drink alcohol should limit their intake to no more than 2 drinks per day for men and 1 drink per day for women. A drink is defined as 12 ounces of beer, 5 ounces of wine, or 1.5 ounces of 80-proof distilled spirits. The combination of alcohol and tobacco increases the risk of some cancers far more than the effect of either drinking or smoking. Regular consumption of even a few drinks per week is associated with an increased risk of breast cancer in women, especially in women who do not get enough folate. Women at high risk of breast cancer may want to consider not drinking any alcohol. Oh well.
So it ends here. In either way, we are gonna die one way or another. Life's short eh? Lets all smoke and get drunk together, ok, well, maybe just smoke. One's life is up to one's decision to live it. Spoil it or cheerish it, we'll decide what we want to do with it. We may not know we'll live to see tomorrow. Lets wreck havoc and enjoy life's pleasures.
I'd decided to make peace, with the expense of my own peace.
___________________________________________________________________
As the heart heals,
a scar remains.
As the scar forms,
the memory of the pain remains.
As the memory recalls,
the pain returns.
As the pain returned,
tears sluiced.
Saturday, November 11, 2006
Sheesh. Went on a mad shopping spree yesterday. Never have I spent $440 in 1 day in my whole life! I spent $350 when I bought my guitar and $400 for my PSP. A new Fie record! Shall not went into details about how I go about shopping with Michele(daughter!), Sebastian(shopping guru) and Yk(cockster). Here are the stuffs that I bought yesterday. Oh, I'm not done yet you see. =)
The Iron Maiden Collector's clock and Zippo lighter. $111
2 PSP games; GTA: Vice City Stories and Killzone:liberation. $145
The Espirit messenger bag. $80
The infamous Puma Shoe! Heh! $150
And a little something Michy bought for herself. =)
Heh. T-shirts! I need simple yet nice T-shirts! No need nice nice designs. Where can I find T-shirts! I know its everywhere but simple nice ones! Anyone knows? Anyone free on Tuesday(14/11)? Come, lets go budget shopping for T-shirts. =)
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What the heck sia. What am I thinking. I mistakenly called Michele ******* and afew times almost called her that again. Smacks. 2 days no smoke and I start to think again. Gah. Anyhow, can't beat it, join it. You take care. Seen your eyes. They're almost dead tired. Some things just couldn't change, even if I wanted it to, but some things do change.
The Iron Maiden Collector's clock and Zippo lighter. $111
2 PSP games; GTA: Vice City Stories and Killzone:liberation. $145
The Espirit messenger bag. $80
The infamous Puma Shoe! Heh! $150
And a little something Michy bought for herself. =)
Heh. T-shirts! I need simple yet nice T-shirts! No need nice nice designs. Where can I find T-shirts! I know its everywhere but simple nice ones! Anyone knows? Anyone free on Tuesday(14/11)? Come, lets go budget shopping for T-shirts. =)
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What the heck sia. What am I thinking. I mistakenly called Michele ******* and afew times almost called her that again. Smacks. 2 days no smoke and I start to think again. Gah. Anyhow, can't beat it, join it. You take care. Seen your eyes. They're almost dead tired. Some things just couldn't change, even if I wanted it to, but some things do change.
Friday, November 10, 2006
Yessaaaahhhhhhhhh!! Get my damn back pay! Total $1.2k! Muahaha! Time to shop. That Puma shoes are gonna be mine. That Lee jeans are so mine too. Heh. Still thinking about getting a guitar or camera 1st. Still need to get new glasses. New look man! Its the new Fie! Heh.
Since people say I have a very strong 'mat' accent then... ok lah sial! I talk like mat ah sial! Going shopping lah tomorrow sial! Power sial! Get the nice Puma shoe sial! Eh yah. Meeting my daughter Michy sial! 1 year sial never see her! Long sial! Now then get to see sial! Then we go shoot pictures everywhere sial! Fun lah sial! Eh sial ah, how can I forget about milkshakes and cheesecakes sial! Gonna have lots of those sial! Power lah sial! Eh I'm beginning to sound damn irritating sial. Should stop all the 'sials' sial. But cannot sial. Mat talk every sentence got 'sial', sial. Sial ah. Then now I've suddenly become Lyn's 'best friend' sial! Power lah bodoh, sial!
Ok enough.
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I wonder what's on a few people's mind right now. Kinda bothers me that sometimes I wonder too much that I got carried away by my thoughts and end up thinking too much. Then I'll suddenly become crazy or quiet. Psycho. People have been telling me to stop smoking, saying I ain't looking any better or cooller by smoking it, its killing me slowly, its a waste of money and it stinks.
I started because it calms myself. It doesn't make me high. It makes me have a migraine and stops me from thinking. I started the last time because of the same reason. If you guys don't like it then I'm sorry. I don't wanna be down and emotional most of the time. I'll stop when I stop. Not now. Especially when I'm in army with nothing much to do but sit/stand there and think. Can't even read anything. Sometimes I even sing out loud any song that come into my mind just to stop thinking. A crazy MP singing alone in the middle of the night. Weirdo.
Since people say I have a very strong 'mat' accent then... ok lah sial! I talk like mat ah sial! Going shopping lah tomorrow sial! Power sial! Get the nice Puma shoe sial! Eh yah. Meeting my daughter Michy sial! 1 year sial never see her! Long sial! Now then get to see sial! Then we go shoot pictures everywhere sial! Fun lah sial! Eh sial ah, how can I forget about milkshakes and cheesecakes sial! Gonna have lots of those sial! Power lah sial! Eh I'm beginning to sound damn irritating sial. Should stop all the 'sials' sial. But cannot sial. Mat talk every sentence got 'sial', sial. Sial ah. Then now I've suddenly become Lyn's 'best friend' sial! Power lah bodoh, sial!
Ok enough.
___________________________________________________________________
I wonder what's on a few people's mind right now. Kinda bothers me that sometimes I wonder too much that I got carried away by my thoughts and end up thinking too much. Then I'll suddenly become crazy or quiet. Psycho. People have been telling me to stop smoking, saying I ain't looking any better or cooller by smoking it, its killing me slowly, its a waste of money and it stinks.
I started because it calms myself. It doesn't make me high. It makes me have a migraine and stops me from thinking. I started the last time because of the same reason. If you guys don't like it then I'm sorry. I don't wanna be down and emotional most of the time. I'll stop when I stop. Not now. Especially when I'm in army with nothing much to do but sit/stand there and think. Can't even read anything. Sometimes I even sing out loud any song that come into my mind just to stop thinking. A crazy MP singing alone in the middle of the night. Weirdo.
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
Woke up today thinking about a qoute from Tuesday's with Morrie. It goes something like "One who faces death, will accept death". It makes me think of what must have been through in Fizah's mind in the last year she had. How she accept her fate and somehow did not show a glimmer of sadness in her face. Not at least when she's with me. Its amazing how strong a human being can be when they're facing death and accepting it. I forced myself to face death before, but I had a choice. She doesn't.
The way she carried herself around after knowing she had 1 year to live was totally amazing, for a 14 year old girl, perhaps for a normal person. Her smile was warmer, her eyes were sparkling like the stars, her hugs felt assured and safe. I can't describe it. I was devastated, destroyed and she was behaving like the whole world was heaven. I didn't understand it back then. Stupid. 2 years back I did. I asked her how she did it. She said 'I'm not gonna die feeling negative. Its not beautiful. Anyway, I'm not dying alone. I've felt love. That's enough.'
Its beautiful. Life's beautiful if you understand it, even just a small part of it. We can be feeling down sometimes, but its just us. Everyone hates to be feeling down. Everyone wants to be happy. Just a smile from someone else could make your day a little brighter. Its whether you wanna pull yourself up or remain sad. Friends are the best people you can have around to cheer yourself up. The right friends. There are times when you need time alone. Just to calm your mind. Take a break and go relax. Come back when you're smiling again. Then enjoy life's beauty, in any view you see it, even death. =)
The way she carried herself around after knowing she had 1 year to live was totally amazing, for a 14 year old girl, perhaps for a normal person. Her smile was warmer, her eyes were sparkling like the stars, her hugs felt assured and safe. I can't describe it. I was devastated, destroyed and she was behaving like the whole world was heaven. I didn't understand it back then. Stupid. 2 years back I did. I asked her how she did it. She said 'I'm not gonna die feeling negative. Its not beautiful. Anyway, I'm not dying alone. I've felt love. That's enough.'
Its beautiful. Life's beautiful if you understand it, even just a small part of it. We can be feeling down sometimes, but its just us. Everyone hates to be feeling down. Everyone wants to be happy. Just a smile from someone else could make your day a little brighter. Its whether you wanna pull yourself up or remain sad. Friends are the best people you can have around to cheer yourself up. The right friends. There are times when you need time alone. Just to calm your mind. Take a break and go relax. Come back when you're smiling again. Then enjoy life's beauty, in any view you see it, even death. =)
Friday, November 03, 2006
I don't deny that I was never interested in the guitar, and I have to admit sometimes I do force myself to jam but that was sometime back. When I said it was temporary for me to continue playing, I was looking at the current state that I was. Being all emo. Its bad for the band to be going on with a guitarist who doesn't give 100%. Honestly, what I'm doing was what I thought was best for the band, which obviously isn't the best. If I don't give a damn about TEG, I might as well just tell you guys to find a new guitarist and leave.
I wanna be the guitarist that TEG should have. Someone who's totally into and dedicated to the band. The damn problem about TEG now is that the damn malay guitarist just can't fucking pull himself together and actually tell you guys what's on his mind. Seriously, I don't want me to affect you guys but it did. Its fucked up because I'm fucked up. The fun we had together making music was true, no lie about that, but I just don't know why I don't enjoy jamming as much. I can't place the reason. Taking a break doesn't make me happy at all, it brings me down whenever I think of the situation I'm in right now. So why I took a break? Just to be alone. If that's selfish then I don't know what else to do. I have no intention of upsetting all of you. I should have told you guys why I needed a break and my so called thoughts. When we go 'jalan raya' or when we meet up again, I'll talk to you guys heart to heart.
And I wish for us all to be happy again. No negative feelings. I hate being down most of the time and faking smiles. I'm NOT gonna fuck up the band, at all. I won't put in effort if I don't care about the thing I'm doing. Yk of all people should know this. I do care about the band. The only fucked up thing is me and I'm sorry to be such a fucked up person who can't pull himself together. I'm not giving up on The Eisen Guards.
PS: I'm free on 6,10,14,18 of Nov. Lets meet up on either one of those dates.
I wanna be the guitarist that TEG should have. Someone who's totally into and dedicated to the band. The damn problem about TEG now is that the damn malay guitarist just can't fucking pull himself together and actually tell you guys what's on his mind. Seriously, I don't want me to affect you guys but it did. Its fucked up because I'm fucked up. The fun we had together making music was true, no lie about that, but I just don't know why I don't enjoy jamming as much. I can't place the reason. Taking a break doesn't make me happy at all, it brings me down whenever I think of the situation I'm in right now. So why I took a break? Just to be alone. If that's selfish then I don't know what else to do. I have no intention of upsetting all of you. I should have told you guys why I needed a break and my so called thoughts. When we go 'jalan raya' or when we meet up again, I'll talk to you guys heart to heart.
And I wish for us all to be happy again. No negative feelings. I hate being down most of the time and faking smiles. I'm NOT gonna fuck up the band, at all. I won't put in effort if I don't care about the thing I'm doing. Yk of all people should know this. I do care about the band. The only fucked up thing is me and I'm sorry to be such a fucked up person who can't pull himself together. I'm not giving up on The Eisen Guards.
PS: I'm free on 6,10,14,18 of Nov. Lets meet up on either one of those dates.
Thursday, November 02, 2006
First and foremostly, I wanna clear some stuffs that's been disturbing and confusing people. I took a break from the band, I wanna have my time alone. Not because I wanna disband TEG. I never even thought of that.
I'm taking this break and doing the stuffs that I used to do, spending time alone or just catching up on my other hobbies. We're in NS, man. Time is just too little for us to do our own stuffs. Taking a break doesn't mean you all would go all depressed and bored over it. Look at it in a different way. Spend sometime catching up on other stuffs. I know you guys cared for me on what I'm going through and I appreciate that, but I now need my time alone. I'm still recuperating. So please understand.
I don't find jamming boring. I enjoy the music we make, no doubt about that, and I look forward to make music with you guys. About guitaring, I'm still playing the guitar everyday, in camp or at home, but I'm playing a wide variety of stuffs. I play the guitar for the music, but I'm still very much in love with the drums. I would love to learn other instruments, though, but the love for drums just drowns out everything. I know I sucked at it, but there's never a day where I would not air drum to a song. So you guys don't have to worrry. I'm still a Metalhead and still very much a Guard.
I know all of you missed jamming. I'm sorry about that, although saying sorry won't make much of a difference, so I asked of you all to give me sometime, at least a month, before we get together and jam again.
Lastly, its nobody's fault that this happened. Its fate. Just take it as a test to us. Forgive, learn and forget. I chose to take the break. Bad things do happen. We just have to suck it all up. I'm sucking this shit up but will take awhile. In the meantime, I don't want you guys to be smelling this shit, so just take care of yourself and enjoy. I'm sure there are things that needs some catching up.
Once again, I'm very sorry about the misunderstandings and confusion I've caused. I'm honestly trying my best to be back to normal. Appreciate the care and concern. I guess we're a family after all, but even families need to take time off from each other. 1 more thing. Please, have fun doesn't mean getting yourself drunk and killing yourself in an accident. -.- Take care dudes. Be seeing yall back in TEG soon. \m/
___________________________________________________________________
Guess I have no one to open up to,
other than myself.
I'm taking this break and doing the stuffs that I used to do, spending time alone or just catching up on my other hobbies. We're in NS, man. Time is just too little for us to do our own stuffs. Taking a break doesn't mean you all would go all depressed and bored over it. Look at it in a different way. Spend sometime catching up on other stuffs. I know you guys cared for me on what I'm going through and I appreciate that, but I now need my time alone. I'm still recuperating. So please understand.
I don't find jamming boring. I enjoy the music we make, no doubt about that, and I look forward to make music with you guys. About guitaring, I'm still playing the guitar everyday, in camp or at home, but I'm playing a wide variety of stuffs. I play the guitar for the music, but I'm still very much in love with the drums. I would love to learn other instruments, though, but the love for drums just drowns out everything. I know I sucked at it, but there's never a day where I would not air drum to a song. So you guys don't have to worrry. I'm still a Metalhead and still very much a Guard.
I know all of you missed jamming. I'm sorry about that, although saying sorry won't make much of a difference, so I asked of you all to give me sometime, at least a month, before we get together and jam again.
Lastly, its nobody's fault that this happened. Its fate. Just take it as a test to us. Forgive, learn and forget. I chose to take the break. Bad things do happen. We just have to suck it all up. I'm sucking this shit up but will take awhile. In the meantime, I don't want you guys to be smelling this shit, so just take care of yourself and enjoy. I'm sure there are things that needs some catching up.
Once again, I'm very sorry about the misunderstandings and confusion I've caused. I'm honestly trying my best to be back to normal. Appreciate the care and concern. I guess we're a family after all, but even families need to take time off from each other. 1 more thing. Please, have fun doesn't mean getting yourself drunk and killing yourself in an accident. -.- Take care dudes. Be seeing yall back in TEG soon. \m/
___________________________________________________________________
Guess I have no one to open up to,
other than myself.
